Thomas and she desperately wants to have sex by then. I told her that there will be another opportunity a month from then, and she recognizes that, but she’s convinced herself that this is the time. It’s irrational, but she planned this whole trip around getting pregnant. ‘I feel so sorry for her, for them, actually, because even if his erectile dysfunction is solved, he would still have to win the lottery to impregnate her. I can’t make his sperm more vigorous through hypnotism! But I, at least, want to give them that very remote chance! They are such nice people and this problem is really causing tension between them. When he was screwing her regularly, particularly during her fertile period, the failure to get pregnant was a problem they both faced. Now, even when she understands his problem and doesn’t consciously blame him, she can’t help but feel resentful.’ ‘You know, there is a real problem you have with operating on a cruise ship. Working on shore, you would see a client in. She took my face in her hands, kissing me gently on the lips, and then wrapped her arms around me. I think in that moment she knew it was the end for us, though she wasn’t going down without a fight. Even as she met with the rep the next day and kept taking each step toward stardom, she worked on me to go with her. She assured me we could figure it out, that we loved each other and we could make it work somehow. And you know, in the end I agreed to try. Since it was summer I wasn’t teaching, so I took a leave of absence from the bar. We flew out to Los Angeles and met with all sorts of people in the industry. I sat in a hotel or maybe in a spare room at the studio as Jesse chased her dream. She was busy all the time. If she wasn’t recording she was rehearsing or she was writing or she was meeting with someone that could help her career. It was all on the up and up, obviously, but basically it meant there was no time for me at all, except in passing and as a warm body to sleep.
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